MONSTER

 

Shimmering sun-rays glaze through those shining windows as you slowly unveil your blanket from your face, listening to birds’ chirp, go outside to have a look at the conversation of blooming flowers in their floral language, look up to see clouds dance around, hip-hop style, even the cream on top of your coffee makes pleasant faces, Mornings, they are such a wonderful time to live through. Mind so relaxed, facial muscles just start to make sense of the world after cozy comfort of the bed, soul subtle but light, thoughts deprived of negativity, leaving all the unanswered questions of the previous night in the recycle bin, time for a fresh start. Its’ as if the weather outside is in phase with your thoughts inside. Your thoughts like a new bud sprouting from a flower, echoing throughout, you are up, staring outside, stretching your arms, then there’s this annoying sound of the toaster that’s heard, your smile just stayed for a while, you know your actual day starts.

The reminiscence of your routine is never a happy realization. Your job is waiting for you, just like you did, years ago. It doesn’t feel the same anymore, years and years of the same routine, predictable future. Feels void, shallow and grey, like the time of the sky when there are neither clouds nor moon, just the essence of polluted atmospheric air rising its way. You reach the place, weary look, shrugged shoulders and blank face. Your hands were on the mouse for so long that they appear crooked. Same work, Same life, fight within the same race.

You finish the job by dusk and return home, the face dull, everything seems monotonic, just the wind that’s flowing, frozen time of disappointment. The atmosphere also seems depressed, that’s what we’ve assigned to colors. Blue: mornings, are beautiful, Grey: dusk, is dull. The time and thoughts are always in phase with the weather. Then something astonishing happens, you start to question. You see, questions are considered taboo throughout our lives, or so they’ve told us that they are. It’s the thought that has the power to transform ideals, goals and life. You question, surroundings and your life, society, well mainly you. You question yourself, while sipping that coffee, black coffee, no cream, just like everyone else during that time, happy masks wearing out, happiness torn apart, lifeless. It’s about time you go back home.

Back to your room, the bed seems rough, the blanket itself cold and struggling for warmth, windows are closing in on themselves as the heavy wind pull them towards itself, the street lights flicker just like your mind, fluctuations and desperation. There’s lightning, light drizzle. You wish the rain would pair up with the earth to release the essence of life, fresh pure and beautiful, but it doesn’t. It’s made of acid, heats the atmosphere, your brain is still questioning itself. Are you living the life you desire or the life you deserve? Question of the millennium. Is there something called “deserve”, isn’t it an illusion because we have free-will? We are responsible for the consequences we face, always will be. But then you realize you can’t take this anymore, you get up, walk towards the windows and shout out, just shout, it is synchronous with the thunder outside revealing that there’s a change that you desire, you want to make, perception altered, motivation ignited, you stand there standing straight and still, heavy downpour outside, the world’s crying for change, your brain’s tired of the solitude, you are frozen with emotions trapped like the electrons in the clouds, colliding one another causing thunder and lightning, though that’s what makes the dark night bright, may be for seconds but it’s true. You chose the decision, to change your life, standing on the cliff and planning to crawl down the hill on your own, you feel free after the decision, something heavy just left you, you don’t feel empty but light, you don’t feel happy, you feel nothing. It just left, the prime cause of your emptiness and delusion of happiness in the morning, it left taking all your fake smiles, leaving behind true emotions, it left. Your monster escaped from within, and so did you.

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